Exhaustion

I can't remember if I've said it here, but I was talking to a dear, dear friend just the other day. They asked how I was doing, and not being one who simply says "fine" and leaves it at that (I mean, you did ask, didn't you?), I proceeded to tell them how I felt like I'd just had a life implant.

Let me explain: the beginning of the month all I was really expecting to happen in March was to hear from the grad school I applied to, and to hopefully get my book by April 1. I knew I had a reading at the end of the month, but that seemed so far away that it didn't register.

So then March 15 comes around and I get keys to my very own apartment. The same week I hear from NYU and my books come in the mail. When it rains...

Too, I think along with the analogy that I feel like I've received a life transplant, there's always this adjustment phase after the body has received the new organ. There could/can be rejection. There is change to the body because of the trama and trying to fit this new thing in. Not that I expect my body to reject this new life, but I can definitely feel the effects of the "transplant" of the "newness" -- all of this among an already pretty busy life with juggling two jobs.

Tomorrow, though. Tomorrow I officially debut my book to the world. I am not sure about my set list, what I'm going to say, etc etc. Maybe I'll decide on the spot. Maybe I'll wing it. Although that is not my nature....this is new territory -- holding a book up there in front of people, reading from it, saying, this is my work, this is my baby....take it or leave it. Somehow none of the poems feel sufficient, feel enough to be read aloud. And I know a lot of folks coming to support and i'm 100% thankful and grateful...but at the same tme, maybe I'd be more comfortable reading in front of complete strangers. And if I thought that was bad -- in a few weeks when I do my mini book tour with friend Raina J. Leon in PA, NC, and DC....that will be almost all friends and loved ones. Yes. It's pretty crazy to think.

Anyways. I'm going to go read a bit and think a little about possible poems. etc.