sieve

i love that word. i don't know why. it sounds almost like it's job.

today, i'm going to go through my poems with a dear, dear friend of mine and figure out which ones i am using to apply to graduate school(s). I need to narrow down about 40ish poems to 10. crazy, huh? that's why you ask a friend to help you.

i am currently re-reading ross gay's _against which_ and honoree fannone jeffer's _red clay suite_. it is here i am learning about rethinking the narratives and stories we tell in our poetry books. i am preparing _cartographer_ to send out again nearing the end or middle of december.

my looming loneliness has served as a sieve to figure out what people i really need in my life. it has been a hard process, filtering. but necessary. some people in your life actually do you harm, i'm learning. even if their intentions seem good. what may feel or what you may think feels good is actually stripping you away, down to nothing, down to the exposed nerve. some people are like candy to teeth. you're happy and happy until you have to get a root canal, and you'd wished you hadn't eaten so much in the first place -- but the damage is too deep, too far gone to take any of it back.

*sneeze #3 in the last hour*

i'm looking forward, i think, to some time away from this schedule i keep. some friends are coming into town for thanksgiving...and we're going to my friend's sister's house to eat and drink and be merry. hopefully things are fine. i believe they will be. but i miss my family. i miss cooking half of the thanksgiving meal myself. i miss eating and sleeping and getting up to eat again.

next thanksgiving i'm not spending it away.