it's a new year and i'm a grown ass woman

I dont know where I got that phrase from, but it's the kind of confidence that I have right now. I know, I could have that confidence without the profanity, but it's a kind of swagger that it's giving me, a kind of head cocked up, an assurance that this is going to be one amazing year, and I don't believe I've ever entered a year with this kind of outlook.

I stayed home for almost two weeks. Well, to say I stayed home is an exaggeration. I didn't stay home, because I went all over to see friends and catch up, and hang out, but I was in the southern region for two weeks. It was an interesting time. I spent a lot of time in the bookstores and in coffeeshops reading. i read this book eat, pray, love, which i'm sure everyone in the world has read and i can't really say i walked away with much from it except that sometimes I wished books like that existed and were written by black women. not that everything has to be representative of me, but at times i had a hard time connecting just because it wasn't a story i was familiar with. but it kept my eyes going, and something, hoping that something would come through and be an "ah ha" moment kept me reading. i finished and was like "oh." but with this realization - if anything - that i want to have a story much like it. maybe that's the point? seeking the three essentials in life? pleasure (food? interesting), prayer, and love. i will say though that sometimes i find it disappointing the state of christianity and the rep it has these days. would this book have been a big hit (though i know a lot of christians have read and recommended it)?

anyways. i didn't come here to write about this book. too, i picked up this book "organizing for the creative person" and finally, FINALLY my messiness (yeh, i'll admit it.) makes sense, and the whole "i'm an artist, i'm supposed to be messy" is no longer an excuse. this book has helped me turn my world around, really. maybe it wasn't just this book, but that i really wanted to turn it around, and not be messy, and work on my organization, but i never really had anyone or anything to give me permission to be, from someone who understood the difficulties. it was like being counseled into cleaning your room. ha. so now i'm sitting in a crisp, clean room (admittedly, it'd been a dump since i've been up here in august.)

what else? it's a new year. damn. it's a good new year. my last day home i flewww from atlanta (literally, it was that serious) to see my old high school teacher who i credit for a lot of my success and my push and drive. i have such unconditional support from this man. and i love it. he made me promise to let him be the first to buy a copy of my book when it's published. and you know, he wrote me a note when i graduated from high school that he looked forward to teaching my writing in his english class, and that prophecy has already come true. so. i promised him my first copy. and the galleys.

what was really bittersweet, was seeing my really good friend from chapel hill for probably the last time in two years. we call each other twins. we met in this christian organization - well, we had a class together, and realized it in this meeting where i spoke, and she introduced herself to me in class later and we've been really close ever since. we realized we were a lot alike. hence, we called each other our twins. and really, her prayer, her steadfastness in god has kept me, i believe from so much. you wouldn't believe how many times she's randomly (i say random but know better) she's called me and i had just gotten in an accident: i mean, literally, in the ditch on the road waiting for the highway patrol man. or called me and my house had just been broken into. or gotten online after a long time and i was in another car accident. and it lets me know that i am supposed to be here. and there are people that are here for me. and it makes me know i'm loved. i'm going to miss her dearly. i'm really glad i got to see her and another friend from the same christian organization who will be going overseas for two years, too. please keep these women in your prayers.

this was my first year that i didn't do new years resolutions. i just didn't feel it in me this year, and it's interesting the correlation, how i didn't want to do any resolutions and i have the most faith in this new year.

i will say, however, that it's a bit scary. this is my first january in 17 years that i haven't been about to start class. i had to fill in paperwork for my new job, and not say i was a full time student. that was crazy. but exhilarating. and that's where i get this attitude. it's a new year. and i'm a grown ass woman. i'm claiming my independence. and claiming the goals i've got planned to get done in the near future. yep.