Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Fat Tuesday







I suppose today is the only day that Tuesday has any meaning (ask me another day to talk to you about why I think Tuesday is pointless). But for me, in NYC, this Tuesday meant that I stayed at home in my pj's, mostly in my bed under cover.






I did engage some poets via g-chat in discussions about poetics and formal poetry (Pantoum vs. Villanelle or my hybrid form...). I submitted to some literary magazines thanks to the Submission Manager and online submissions, and created a flier that announces some of my 2009 upcoming reading dates. Don't ask me what I'm going to do with it. I guess it's just sort of confirmation that I'm capable of doing it. It looks quite nice, I must say.





Sunday, February 22, 2009

What I'm reading

"The Simple Truth" by Philip Levine

I think this might be a close favorite poem, ever.

(this is an excerpt. the whole poem is mightly long)

Everyone knows that the trees will go one day
and nothing will take their place.
Everyone has wakened, alone, in
a room of flesh light and risen
to meet the morning as we did.
How long have we waited
quietly by the side of the road
for someone to slow and ask why.
The light is going, first from between
the long rows of dark firs
and then from our eyes, and when
it is gone we will be gone.
No one will be left to say,
"He took the stick and marked off
the place where the door would be,"
or "she held the child in both hands
and sang the same few tunes
over and over."

......and it continues.

Friday, February 20, 2009

Ipod Touch

Maybe this is writing related. Saturday - oh, doomed Valentine's Day - I went bowling and to play pool with a pretty good friend of mine. It was fun to just sit back and relax and just kick it for a bit. After that, I decided that I deserved to get myself a birthday/Valentine's gift. I wanted an Ipod Touch. I've been wanting one for a while. I don't care for my phone to be connected to everything like that, but I did just want an upgrad on my iPods (the last two I've had were hand-me-downs from a friend...) and I wanted to do something nice for myself on the day that someone else should be doing something nice for me (haha). So my friend and I pop into Best Buy. You should know these types of purchases cannot happen alone for me, nor can they be planned. I just have to be like "I'm going right now into the store to buy it". The end. If I'm saving up and saving up, then I'll talk myself out of it. I just have to go without for a while, then decide on a whim that I should have it. Best Buy was taking too long, and I was talking myself out of it. I waited in line for like 20 minutes for a manager to come and unlock them. The manager never came, and so I left. No Ipod.

After that, I met up with another friend to see this show at the Blue Note. It was all right. I probably won't ever consider buying the artist's stuff. Then........on the transfer platform at like 3:30am, I run into a friend from High School. He was just in the city and visiting...and we found each other in the middle of the night on a subway platform. So, we ride the train (going in the same direction, one stop after mine!) and talk, and decide that we need to meet up for brunch the next day. We do, and have a lovely time catching up. And then I say, on a whim, that I want to go to the apple store to buy an Ipod. He says he's down for riding with me....then we get there and he rememberes that apple gets a military discount, and so he buys it for me!

Anyways. So, I've been playing with my new gadget all week. It's a good diversion from work. It's a good diversion from life changes that also happen this week -- that will not be charted here. Today I downloaded a podcast "Coffee Break Spanish". I've decided that since I live really close to Washington Heights, that I should finally learn spanish. It's something that I'm putting on the list of things to do in 2009. Not that I expect to have it mastered, but I believe, knowing my capacity for languages when I really just immerse myself, that I can have a pretty good start by the end of the year. Plus, my kids -- so many of them are Spanish speakers. They can help me as I help them :).

Other things? I bought Phillip Levine's "The Simple Truth". I'm still believing in investing my money in what matters to me the most. I'm not "buying into" (no pun) this idea that the world is going to shambles on its own. I believe our fears and what we do with our fears (hoard our money or spend it lavishly) is also contributing. And I do believe - a small amount - in retail therapy. And well, life has been pretty crappy on some fronts lately.

Today it is 29 degrees in NYC. I am ready to peel off all of these layers. I'm ready to wear my summer dresses that make me so happy. Get me out of winter already!

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Galleys!

This week I received my galleys from the press. It was a smallish envelope with two perfect bound galleys -- a little taste of what the book will feel like in my hands. It's all so exciting really.

A conversation went like this:

me: look what I got in the mail!
friend: wow! it's like giving birth to a baby, your very own book baby
me: yeh
friend: how does it feel?
me: I've decided I'm going to let it live in the world a few more hours bit before I start judging it
friend: I think you and it deserve more than a few hours
friend: congrats!

I carried one copy in my bag every where I went. It was a bit sad, to think, really. Then, a friend who is at AWP called me -- I missed her call -- and left a message saying that she was in the bookfair and had just walked past the South Carolina Poetry Initiative (the group that sponsored the prize) table and saw the poster and fliers about my book. Hopefully it will generate interest and people will buy the book.

I know that when I received the galleys, something felt different. It's something totally different to hold your poems in your hands and they're on something other than an 8x11 sheet of paper. It's an interesting feeling when you see a poem and it's split between two pages, and - because the galley looks almost exactly howt he book will look - you find yourself physically turning the page in order to finish reading a poem. It's interesting. I can't wait until people can hold all of this in their hands.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Magazine Watch and the Economy and writing

Rattle Magazine will be putting out a special African American poetry issue in June 2009. I just got word that a poem of mine "Cartographer" was accepted for publication. This is exciting news, because it is the title poem of my new manuscript....my new project. I am hoping to actually send it out today for the National Poetry Series competition.

I know of some really good poets who will be sharing the pages with me :). Be on the lookout for this zine.

In other news....all of my loves are gearing up (or have already arrived) for the AWP conference in Chicago. I decided to forego this year. I might have felt a little better about this decision if the weather was a blizzard and everyone was stuck in the airport or stranded, then I could think: "I made the right decision in staying home". However, it's supposed to be in the 60's...everyone is meeting up...and I'm missing all of it. But oh well.

I want updates from those of you out there who are going! If you ARE going...look for information about my book in the bookfair. The South Carolina Poetry Initiative has a table. On the table should be a poster and flier!!! Pick one up. Take a picture with my poster :). It's definitely sexy enough, haha. The cover art for the book, that is.

Any other writerly things? More layoffs in the publishing world. This makes me sad. But I'm still optimistic that we will persevere. We have to. I'm not saying that I'm concerned with the economy going as it is. But I am saying that it's not stopping me from investing in the things that I believe in. Like poetry and the arts.

This was a conversation I had with a friend, Aracelis Girmay (author of "Teeth"). We were talking about what we "need" and what we "want" and how we determine differences between the two, and how these two things should (or will or do) govern how we spend our money. This was an interesting list. I started thinking about "food" "transportation" -- you know..the basic needs. She began saying "I need to go to shows and cultural events". She said, "I want to eat out, but I don't need to eat out." And that put everything into perspective for me. I began to alter my list:

Needs: (and how I budget my time and money)
-Bikram Yoga/some exercise
-Poetry Readings
-Books
-Music (live and albums)
-things that make me feel good like cupcakes.
-Cultural events: museums, art shows, good indy films etc etc

Wants: (They can wait...my quality of life will not lessen because of this lack)
-new furniture
-trips outside of the city (Like Chicago for AWP. That was a want. I could not find a need.)
-new clothes

Of course food and transportation and rent and bills are necessities. Why should we list them off? What we should be thinking about is investing in what we need to keep us sane. To keep our heart going. To keep our mind above the valley of depression.

This week I went to see Medicine for Melancholy. I went on Monday. After a long day at both work places. I treated myself to spicy shrimp fried rice and diet ginerale. I walked over to the theater and bought the ticket and went in. This was a need. I needed some sort of creative stimulation that allowed me to rest a bit, while taking in beauty...in other creative acts. It was a good choice...and is keeping me going this week. What would I have done without it? Who knows. I just know that I can deny myself certain things (these shoes i really really _want_ that I walk by almost everyday) in order to provide myself the necessary things: a book for train rides, a movie, maybe a music show. And not only, do I believe this move keeps my sanity, keeps me alive....if we all invested in the things we "needed", and adjust the need based on what will keep us happy, then I think a lot less loss would be happening in the world. Writers would understand they need books. And would continue to invest some money there. Readers would understand that they ened books and continue to buy. Bookstores wouldn't see big losses because people wouldn't be scared to invest in their life, and layoffs wouldn't happen...and so on and so forth. Maybe this is widly optimistic. But, I can say that Strand and Barnes and Noble and Borders won't go under by my hands....

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Writer's block (revisited)

I explore this a lot. This idea, this belief. I've argued with some who believe that writer's block does not exist. I believe it does, in some way, but it's what you do with the "block" that determines if the time off from writing was positive or negative. I think it's all about perception and frame of reference.

Outside of the two poems I wrote this week in rapid succession (Tuesday and Wednesday), I went several months without writing a poem. Now, this is significant for someone who rallies the troops for week-long poetry-writing challenges, or took three months off last summer just to write, and came out with 90 poems...so you see, to go several months without writing a poem could be considered writer's block.

I don't think I considered it a block as much as I considered it a Winter season of my writing. This is, of course, thinking in retrospect, and finding that the words come when they're ready, just as the buds come back to the bare limbs of the trees, and the flowers begin to sprout from the soil. (I assume. There is little soil here in NYC) What I did do during those months, however, was a lot of reading and preparing. Last year I wrote a first draft of a novel just because I had decided that I wanted to know what writing a novel felt like. Once I finished the draft, I was encouraged by some friends to think about next steps. I read this book, "the Artful Edit" and decided that I was excited to get the first draft done, b/c then I could begin editing, and watch it evolve into a real thing, perhaps a real book. So then I read a lot of other books --I spent 3 weeks in South Carolina during those months, and I also woke up every morning to read -- about drafting and editing novels. I bought these books about writing....and it felt kind of like a productive procrastination. Like, I wasn't writing, but I felt all right about it, b/c I was reading and meditating and thinking about writing.

I have noticed, though, that my writing productivity changes when my schedule changes. And my schedule has been afloat for the past couple of months as well. And not only that, a lot of things that were a constant in my life: Monday's = poetry reading, Wednesday = cupcake and jazz, Thursday = Ugly Betty and Grey's Anatomy, have been a bit disrupted, and so I find that my productivity is most comfortable in stable pockets of time. Like, I knew that I could write when I went to the Jazz spot on Wednesdays, or get some inspiration from the poetry readings on Mondays. So it's no surprise when some semblance of that balance came back to me this week with a poetry reading/conversation and a Jazz show, and I produced two poems on those days. You have to feed the muse in order for her to work for you. I guess that's my take home idea with reference to writer's block. The more creative energy I have around me, in the air, in the atmosphere....the more inclined I am to write.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

February in full bloom

I am counting down the days until the book is published. April 1, here we come.

The other day I walked outside into the city, into my day and the sun was out. It was nice for NYC, for the winter we've had so far. I remember thinking: "Man, winter might finally break" and then, yesterday we got hit with a full day's worth of snow. Yep. And high temperatures this week won't even get near freezing. Thank goodness for crocheted scarves and hats and good coats. Thank goodness for hot drinks.

I have been on a hiatus as of late from most of my normal doings. Blame it on a boy. Blame it on the cold. Whatever. I finally stepped outside yesterday to see a friend, Myronn Hardy, read with Cathy Park Hong --who I saw read at Cornelia St. Cafe (where I hope to read, soon) back in 2007.... What a day to finally step out of a shell! Snow packed into my scarf, onto my coat. But alas, it was warm inside, and they had wine and cheese and crackers and fruits. It's the little things. Anyways. So the reading was this Cave Canem sponsored event called "Poets on Craft" where the poets do a short reading and the rest of the time is a moderated discussion and then Q&A. I felt like...the reading should have been a bit longer, the moderated part a bit shorter, and the rest of the time for audience engagement. Not like I was going to ask any questions. I know Myronn and his work. I know the answers he would like to give if not shy. Cathy's work is hard to hold onto in the ear, and I've not gotten her book(s)...so it was tough, really, to ask questions on her work, although she gave insightful answers during the discussion.

It made me think, though, about how I would answer some of the questions. Thinking about theory and poetry. Thinking about intersections of genre, genre-bending if you will, or what should come first the music/language or the meaning -- the famed chicken and egg quandry of the poetry world. And of course, the infamous I, and how the I factors into poetry...and what should the reader do in response to the I?

Now. Maybe it's because I read a lot of Sharon Olds when I first started out. Something about the poetry as confession helped me reach into a space for words to say everything I wanted to say. Then I turned to other conventions: musicality, form, line breaks, etc, to do the other work. With the exception of projects (say, Palestine, say the Ackland Art Museum works...) and maybe attempting to tell someone else's story, I find that poetry exists for me as an artistic expression. Read: the I is not collective. Now, I just wrote a review of a book where I felt that the I was....singular, that it belonged solely to the poet. And in that collection, I believed it, because the experiences were so...cyclical, so....circular. The experiences revolved around one or two incidences that connected a life-time of stories: a mother's death, a father trying to raise a daughter. I felt that the I belonged only to the poet, and we as readers could only read the collection as belonging to another voice. This is not to say that it is bad that the collection did that or to say that it was inaccessible, or that I couldn't enter into the work as an outsider. It was sort of just stating fact. I don't know where I'm going with all of this, except to say that I am almost sure that any "I" I write has some connection to me. The story the "I" is telling might not be mine. But the sentiments, or maybe, how I would deal with it -- because in truth, in writing from this "I" perspective, we as poets are imagining ourselves in that situation, no? -- so the actions given the situation are mine. And I'm all right with that.

The other question is on influences....how people expect you to just list and list and list poets for days, and your ability to list and name as many (famous) poets as possible shows that you're well-rounded and gives you credibility. Granted, I just said "maybe I read too much Sharon Olds" and that could be considered an influence, but she does not influence my current work, and didn't really influence my work when I started writing. I lived with a writer before I considered writing like I do now, so I spent days and nights reading and reading. I couldn't come up with a "standards" list. Instead, I'd argue that History is my biggest influence. That harkens back to my decision to major in History in Chapel Hill despite the fact that my career is largely literature and English-writing related. However, I believed that reading and re-reading the same British Literature models would do nothing for providing me something to write about. I did take the introductory-level survey to British Lit classes, and could have an intelligible conversation about major american authors and so on and so forth, but I think on a working, everyday level what matters is history, is current events, and if you can spin that into a poem, into a conversation, your ability to connect -- because isn't art about communication, about connecting? -- is that much higher.